I have been unhappy with my wife's Menopausal mood swings lately,

So i bought her a mood ring, to help to monitor her moods.

I have since learned that when she's in a good mood, it turns green.

When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on my forehead.

Perhaps i should have bought her Diamond eh.

so true

Are you kidding? Have you any idea how big a Crater a Diamond can leave in your Forehead?