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I'm sure you've seen these: Cartoons related to the 2003 war on Iraq 
found this on HQ's site working in a supermarket i found it incredibly funny
I would especially recommend doing number 4
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' trolley when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 10 at Pharmacy" ... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.
6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
12. In the car accessory department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout, "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, " NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly...."Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
I would especially recommend doing number 4
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' trolley when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 10 at Pharmacy" ... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.
6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
12. In the car accessory department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout, "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, " NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly...."Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
I can just imagine you doing all of those.
Have a go at them and let us know the outcome.
Have a go at them and let us know the outcome.
The Alarm Fart - This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare.
The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions
The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.
The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"
The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.
The Bathtub Fart - People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like fart don't exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farter's location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water, and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing.
The Biggest Fart in the World Fart - Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. This can either be a group one or a group two fart and can occur just about anywhere. I heard it one time, a group two identification, in a crowded high school auditorium one night, right in that silence that happens when a room full of people has stopped singing the Star Spangled Banner and sat down. It came from the back. There was not a soul in that room that missed it. A fart like that can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is it size.Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farter's.
The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.
The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.
The Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.
The Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.
The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number, and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause. Uncommon.
The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.
The Common Fart - This fart needs little description. It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds. I can see no point in describing this far any further.
The Crowd Fart - The Crowd Fart is distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. The trick here is not to identify the fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless the farter panics, and starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at the ceiling or the sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one. Very common.
The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.
The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.
The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.
The Echo Fart - This is a fart that can be wrongly identified. It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an echo.
The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.
The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.
The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.
The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.
The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.
The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.
The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.
The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.
The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.
The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.
The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.
The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.
The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.
The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.
The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.
The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.
The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.
The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.
The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.
The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.
The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.
The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.
The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!
The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you!
The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions
The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.
The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"
The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.
The Bathtub Fart - People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like fart don't exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farter's location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water, and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing.
The Biggest Fart in the World Fart - Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. This can either be a group one or a group two fart and can occur just about anywhere. I heard it one time, a group two identification, in a crowded high school auditorium one night, right in that silence that happens when a room full of people has stopped singing the Star Spangled Banner and sat down. It came from the back. There was not a soul in that room that missed it. A fart like that can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is it size.Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farter's.
The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.
The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.
The Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.
The Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.
The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number, and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause. Uncommon.
The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.
The Common Fart - This fart needs little description. It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds. I can see no point in describing this far any further.
The Crowd Fart - The Crowd Fart is distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. The trick here is not to identify the fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless the farter panics, and starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at the ceiling or the sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one. Very common.
The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.
The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.
The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.
The Echo Fart - This is a fart that can be wrongly identified. It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an echo.
The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.
The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.
The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.
The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.
The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.
The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.
The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.
The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.
The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.
The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.
The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.
The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.
The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.
The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.
The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.
The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.
The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.
The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.
The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.
The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.
The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.
The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.
The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!
The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you!
| QUOTE (Scorpio @ Jan 16 2005, 01:15 AM) |
| Insult-O-Matic Try in particular, this site in The Communizer  |
i'm lovin' it do do do do do
ok here is one for you:
Travelling from Haugesund to Trondheim in Norway.
1. Go to MSN Direction finder
2. In the Start section, select "Norway" from the listbox and enter "Haugesund" into the "City" field
3. In the End section, select "Norway" from the listbox and enter "Trondheim" into the "City" field
4. Click on "Get Directions" .........
Travelling from Haugesund to Trondheim in Norway.
1. Go to MSN Direction finder
2. In the Start section, select "Norway" from the listbox and enter "Haugesund" into the "City" field
3. In the End section, select "Norway" from the listbox and enter "Trondheim" into the "City" field
4. Click on "Get Directions" .........
Thats hilarious 
one end of the country to the other via 4 other countries
one end of the country to the other via 4 other countries
looks like wifes map reading 
| QUOTE (Scorpio @ Jan 16 2005, 01:15 AM) |
| Insult-O-Matic Try in particular, this site in The Communizer |
Ha ha ha ha~It's good.
Here's something very funny I have seen.
Some of you that only use the PC for web and email might not get it, but here it is:
www.pc-fanatics.com/gates.mov
Some of you that only use the PC for web and email might not get it, but here it is:
www.pc-fanatics.com/gates.mov
My sig is the whole llama song, took ages to write out
The blue screen of death
The blue screen of death
NEVER PLAY STRIP TWISTER!
nice skid marks
Yeti sports is very cool
Ive played all of the yeti games................ They're not even a challenge. 
I'd like to believe this story is true...
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now
I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find
the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought
it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer"
More urban legends can be found here
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now
I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find
the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought
it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer"
More urban legends can be found here
Having worked in customer services and had to deal with many extremely thick people I have the greatest sympathy for the above employee. I think they have just spoken for the majority of Customer Service Advisors.
I worked for a big insurance company on their website support, my god, there are some dumb people around but I always had a laugh at work, even if it was at customer's expense
Cows with guns video
I have the lyrics...
Fat and docile, big and dumb.
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun.
Cows aren't fun.
They eat to grow, grow to die,
Die to be eaten at the hamburger fry.
Cows well done.
Nobody thunk it, nobody knew.
No one imagined the great cow guru.
Cows are one.
He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal.
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal.
Cow Tse Tongue.
He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred.
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd.
Cow doldrums.
He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die.
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high.
Bad cow pun.
But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate.
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate.
Cows are bummed.
He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy.
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi.
Cows with guns.
They came with a needle to stick in his thigh.
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye.
Cow well hung.
Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door.
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor.
Run cows run!
He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay.
We are free roving bovines, we run free today.
We will fight for bovine freedom,
And hold our large heads high.
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns.
They crashed the gate in a great stampede.
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed.
Cows have fun.
Sixty police cars were piled in a heap.
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep.
Much cow dung.
Black smoke rising and darkening the day.
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way.
We will fight for bovine freedom,
And hold our large heads high.
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns.
The President said "Enough is enough.
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung.
The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief.
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef.
Cows on buns.
The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed.
They mooed their last moos,
They chewed their last hay.
Cows out gunned.
The order was given to turn cows to whoppers,
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers.
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers.
Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers.
We will fight for bovine freedom,
And hold our large heads high.
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns.
I have the lyrics...
Fat and docile, big and dumb.
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun.
Cows aren't fun.
They eat to grow, grow to die,
Die to be eaten at the hamburger fry.
Cows well done.
Nobody thunk it, nobody knew.
No one imagined the great cow guru.
Cows are one.
He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal.
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal.
Cow Tse Tongue.
He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred.
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd.
Cow doldrums.
He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die.
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high.
Bad cow pun.
But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate.
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate.
Cows are bummed.
He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy.
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi.
Cows with guns.
They came with a needle to stick in his thigh.
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye.
Cow well hung.
Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door.
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor.
Run cows run!
He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay.
We are free roving bovines, we run free today.
We will fight for bovine freedom,
And hold our large heads high.
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns.
They crashed the gate in a great stampede.
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed.
Cows have fun.
Sixty police cars were piled in a heap.
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep.
Much cow dung.
Black smoke rising and darkening the day.
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way.
We will fight for bovine freedom,
And hold our large heads high.
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns.
The President said "Enough is enough.
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung.
The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief.
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef.
Cows on buns.
The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed.
They mooed their last moos,
They chewed their last hay.
Cows out gunned.
The order was given to turn cows to whoppers,
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers.
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers.
Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers.
We will fight for bovine freedom,
And hold our large heads high.
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns.
That's GOOD. Nice one Shell.
*Gives it a Rating*
*Gives it a
Rating*
An oldie but a goody
Rolf Harris................pmsl
love the avatar FBG. great link shellspeare
type fu*kwit into google for a chuckle
did it ? what am i looking for?
same here 
lol, the google people have been playing again, it gives dodgy links to films etc of the word you typed in, a parody search result
also do an image search on ainsley harriot and see which pic doesnt fit
theyve also done one for t*tw*ank
remember to remove the stars to make the correct word
also do an image search on ainsley harriot and see which pic doesnt fit
theyve also done one for t*tw*ank
remember to remove the stars to make the correct word
| QUOTE (shellspeare @ Mar 2 2005, 07:34 PM) |
| lol, the google people have been playing again, it gives dodgy links to films etc of the word you typed in, a parody search result also do an image search on ainsley harriot and see which pic doesnt fit theyve also done one for t*tw*ank remember to remove the stars to make the correct word |
you should read the description for t*tw*nk. nice one shellspeare.
Can you see some guy going like ummm 120 mph down the interstate with these balloons?
trailing about 50 feet behind him??
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell...
Step 3. Watch people freak out !!!!
By the way..
Is it legal to do in here.. in UK??? any police officer with us????
trailing about 50 feet behind him??
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell...
Step 3. Watch people freak out !!!!
By the way..
Is it legal to do in here.. in UK??? any police officer with us????
I suppose you could get him 'for unsafe load'.
Isn't this picture in another thread?
Isn't this picture in another thread?
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