in england it is more common for the elderly to go into care homes when they can no longer manage at home

i would like to hear others ppl thoughts on this

should we as a country be more willing to look after our elderly family members at home


points to condiser
24hrs care
duty of care
loss of self resprect
forming of friendship within the care home
medical staff at hand
feelings of guilt on both sides
the elderly persons feelings of i will not put on my family
ect

I am half Italian and I know that there they wouldn't consider putting them in a home unless they were seriously ill and beyond any proper help staying with the family. It just isn't part of their makeup there to do so. Family is everything and the elderly relatives would move in with some member and be cared for, and to be honest this traditional family way has many benefits for both sides. There is help and experience for the younger family from the older.

Our ageing population is going to bring about a major crisis in the future as we have less children to grow up and care for them. Care homes need staff, especially if we don't get our head around proper immigration. As a nurse also I have seen some pretty distressing situations where elderly people have been farmed off by their relatives and not wanted back home after being in hospital. I'm not saying this is always the case by any means and for some people it isn't always an option to be able to care for a relative.

Well done to the italian half on winning the world cup, thats unless the other half is french, then im sorry for bringing it up.

Thanks Easylife......can't say it was a victory easy to swallow what with Italian footie of late and the game itself, but as England had gone out it was good to have a backup.


Fathers side is Irish by the way so no joy there this time.

My mum passed away on Mothers Day a year ago. She was 77 but had less than a handful of grey hairs - and never colored her black hair. My brother and I had no choice but to put her in a nursing home because she had Alzheimers and it got to the point when she could not recognize us or take care of herself in the most basic ways. She could not be left alone for more than a few minutes. Fortunately, she lived with my aunt (her sister) and uncle who were older but not similarly ill and all three moved to a nursing home owned and run by the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese (my mum spoke very little English, so it would have been much more difficult if no one spoke Greek). My aunt, uncle and mum had lived together since my dad died in 1973. Being in the same place as them was a huge help. She was a very energetic woman who worked until after the age of 70 because she liked to work. The Alzheimers took her away from us about three years ago. She died in her sleep on Mother Day last year - on her own terms.

Is it possible that in this country the pressures of modern life do not readily allow for elderly parents to join their children for the parents later years?

I speak only from my own position.

My own parents are deceased, and my mother was asked repeatedly to move to either my sisters house or to more secure accommodation after she was burgled twice, but she would have none of it, and was determined to stay in her flat come what may. So we all took it in turns to make sure she was looked after when her health really started failing...It was a good arrangement that suited all concerned.

Then there's my partners mother......

She'd be in like a shot! It's taking every excuse I can come up with to keep her out! And no I'm not cruel, there's nothing wrong with the old bat, she'll outlive us all.

The main excuse is that really even if she did move in, neither me nor my partner can afford to stop working. So if there was any need for assistance from her mother...we simply couldn't be there. I suspect that the economic strain on many families today prevent the traditional scenario of the parents living out their twilight years with their children.

edit...

Whatever the reasons there are for not visiting their elderly parents people have perhaps got to try a little harder.
I see far too many OAPs that haven't had a visitor in ages, they're usually pathetically pleased to see me and tend to try and tell me their life story whilst I'm working there. Not a few have interesting things to say...but it's not me they should be talking to.

she must be the only other person (other than your other half) who could stand living with you. I had 16-17 years of it and it wasn't easy............
but to be honest I think that as we have opened our boundaries and moved farther away from our roots, the presure on people to leave behind what we had and always look to what we want/can get, means we loose contact with our parents and families because we are all selfish ( me too I'm just as bad ....) Now I have the time to look back at what I have lost. A mum and a Dad .I now have two children of my own whom I am very close to , but I see them slowly drawing away .........history repeats........................

Well I bloody don't!!

"S" may have become his own man and will flee the nest, But "N" is totally! dependent on you...she's going nowhere...ever!

Get used to it

now, now boys. play nice

i love these answers i feel they sum up the my thought well


what is right for one family is not right for another.

the range of services for the elderly should include all options, from full time care to support for a family with a relative living with them, however who should pay for this, the families or the government? this question is not one i wish to talk about as any talk on this will lead no doult into a fight.

my one hope is that, the rights of the elderly to end they days as they wish are not pushed to one side

I'm a full time carer for my uncle who has end stage parkinsons, been caring for him for 18 months now.
I also care for my aunt who has severe alzheimers, I'm not officially her carer as one person can only be a registered carer for one person even though I do care for her aswell. luckily she goes into day care 5 days a week, 10-4, a real godsend as shes a real handfull, she crys most of the time... when she's not sleeping that is.


As for homes, cant say I like them.
My other aunt sufferend when she was put into a home, she eventually died from neglect, her feet got infected of all things.

I put my aunt with alzhemiers into repsite for a week and she caught a nasty bug, in the end she was even put on a drip!
Everytime she goes into a home for a break she comes out worse.



As far as it being the families duty...... na
If I had my time to go over I wouldnt have stopped work to care for them. Carer's DONT get the credit they deserve, its hell, especially when the relatives are particualarly dependant like mine.

nobody has any 'rights' we only have hopes
nobody has a right to care
we have a system that tries to do it,s best
but it,s a poor system but then it,s a lot better than no system

I do not like people who put their parents in care homes,I think elderly people need love and care from their sons and daughters
our family cares about us all the time from childhood until we grow up and became good person
they are deserve care and love cuz everything they have done it to us
if your child see u care about your parent,after u became old they will care about u like u did with your parent

hardly fair.
our parents had a choice, to have kids or not. surely siblings should have 'a' choice without the guilt trip?

ap does not come from england, differant cultures have differant ideas

ok here goes both my mother and father are alive thank god plus me wifes parents are alive also but they split about 7 years ago . my wife and one of her sisters look after him feed him and all that stuff as he still lives in his own home .
we have spoking about if my father or mother dies would we take the other in and the answer is yes as long as they don't need 24 hour medical care .