Stephen Buxton had just turned thirteen. He was quite tall for his age and well-built. He had short blond hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a clean white shirt tucked in and his navy school tie with yellow stripes straightly tied. Instead of his usual black school trousers, today he wore a new pair of smart grey flannels, fastened with a black belt. His black shoes were well-polished.
As he was walking to school a girl in his class came up behind him. She was slightly shorter than he was and had long dark hair. She wore a white blouse and a navy skirt.
'Good morning, Mr Buxton,' she said. Stephen blushed. He had called her Miss Pearson before, but she had always called him Stephen until now.
'Good morning, Miss Pearson,' he replied.
'You look very smart today,' she said.
'Thank you,' Stephen replied. He had not overcome his uneasiness, knowing she was looking at him adimringly, as if trying to work out what was different about him.
'Are those new trousers, Mr Buxton?' Rachel asked.
'Yes, Miss Pearson,' Stephen replied.
'They're lovely,' Rachel said. 'I think grey suits you.'
'Thank you.' There was a pause as they walked along together.

An intriguing start which is something I like. However, I'd like to know the title or the type of book you are trying to write, If I knew that I could give more comments.

There seem to be a a lot of said and replied when your characters are talking, maybe put more emotion into what they are saying?

But like I said it sounds intriguing and would love to read more

Thank you for this feedback. It's intended to be the beginning of a story, probably quite short, for children and teenagers. It doesn't have a ttle yet - I usually leave that till last. I'd be interested to know how you think I could put more emotion into what the characters are saying; what do you think of their addressing each other so formally?

I can understand the not having a title thing but it's good to have an idea of what it is, I don't know how you should put more emotion in as I don't know how the characters feel with each other or how they are associated lol. I think that them addressing each other so formally is what made me think it felt stilted, makes me wonder how the characters know each other though.