I have been offered 8 legs of venison for £50..... does anyone think thats too dear????


have just heard that the Ulley resevoir is in trouble again as a Muslim has driven a lorry into the rataining wall.
Good news though, the Police have been informed that it is NOT a terrorist atack, it is merely the start of Ramadam.


A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book,
she said "I BET YOU ARE GOING TO SELL ME A TICKET TO THE MOTORCYCLE COP'S BALL".
He replied with "MOTORCYCLE COPS DON'T HAVE BALLS". There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realised what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

I love the last one! th first one is sooooo predictable though lol

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."

"Poof!" said the genie.

"You're a housewife."
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An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied "every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on Titanic."

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A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. "I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scum bag.

He yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk."

"So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us"